How do people come to homeschooling? Some plan it in advance -- perhaps they were homeschooled themselves, perhaps they live in an area where the educational offerings are poor to non-existent. In our case, though, we fell into it...
Sadly I suspect that our story is all too common. When our eldest turned five, it was time for Kindergarten. He was excited. The bus, the school, new kids and lots to learn -- what wasn't exciting? That excitement lasted only a short time. Within a few months, he was crying and begging to stay home. At first we thought it was the bus -- although in theory the bus driver maintains order on the bus, according to my son, the older kids often took over seats from the littler ones and when it came time to get off the bus, the older kids shoved to the front so as to get off first. The solution seemed simple enough: I drove him to school. His little brother, though thrilled to be going to the school was less thrilled when we had to leave without his BaBa. And his BaBa was soon expressing similar sentiments.
Then came the 'day of the stick'. BaBa had found a lovely stick and he wanted to show it to his class. I told him that, with his teacher's permission, he could do so but that he would not be able to play with it. He was okay with that and went off happy. It didn't last. The teacher did not want him to have the stick and attempted to remove it from his hand. He told me, in tears, 'she didn't even ask me. She just tried to take it!' He immediately hid under a chair -- his normal response to perceived aggression. The teacher, new to teaching kindergarten, called for help and he was removed as a 'trouble maker.' That is quite a label to fix to a five year old.
Baba's fear and dislike of school increased day by day. Most of his problems seemed to relate to his sense of fairness -- the school was neither fair nor rational. It instituted rules and no one bothered to explain the rational to the children, They were simply expected to obey. Many of the rules were supremely unfair -- children were to walk in straight lines between classes not talking. Lunch was brief and again, no talking with other children was allowed. Once classwork was done, the student was to sit quietly until the teacher was able to come and give the student something else to do. Again, no talking with students was allowed. So much for the 'socialization' of the public schools.
The 'no talking' rule got Baba in big trouble. As explained to us by his teacher, when he finished his work, he would go and 'chat' with the other students. These students, presumably, had not finished their work and Baba was, to the teacher's understanding, distracting them. My husband said 'So, what do you do when he is bored?' And the teacher's response? 'Oh, he is never BORED! He can always find something to do.' I am not sure whether she was saying that there were many 'good' choices of activities for him or whether she was saying that he always found materials to work with. In either case, however, it was quite clear that his 'choices' did not match her desires. My instinctive response was 'he is just now five years old in a classroom FILLED with other children. If he has completed his work and you are ignoring him, how is he to know what you want him to do?' I have worked enough jobs to know that even adults sometimes have difficulty knowing 'what next' is on their boss's schedule -- unless the boss is VERY clear about it.
And then came the parent/teacher conference. We were quite surprised, my husband and I, to find not only the teacher there but the principal and the vice principal as well. The entire process started off with an accusatory tone. The principal repeatedly referred to 'nipping problems in the bud' and never once spoke of our son by his name. The teacher expressed concern because his drawings were not representational... I asked 'OH! SO you are a trained art therapist?' 'No' she admitted. "Does he know what his drawings represent?" 'Oh yes' she replied, 'And he tells the same story about them every time.' I said 'If you tell him that you want a picture that YOU will recognize, he will draw it for you.' She looked surprised. Apparently such a thing had never occured to her before. The principal, still on her roll about 'potential problems' turned to the VP and asked 'You've been in the classroom more than I. What is your perception of this child.' (Note, she did not speak of him by name.) The VP, looking distinctly uncomfortable, replied 'He is a normal boy. Nothing particularly bad or different, just a boy.' This was obviously NOT what the Principal had wanted to hear because she brushed it off and returned to the attack about 'problems.' By the time we left, I was shaking mad and close to tears. As we walked to the car, my husband looked at me and I at him. 'Homeschool' we both said simultaneously.
I learned later that this particular principal has a reputation for micro-managing her school -- I was not the first, nor am I likely to be the last, parent who has pulled her child/children from the school and either started homeschooling or sent them to private schools. And though a part of me worries for the children left there, I am just glad that my husband was on board with the homeschool solution. Though we have days when everything seems a challenge, for the most part, both boys are happier and they are learning so fast that I have to run to keep up:>
Is home schooling the right solution for everyone? No, probably not. There is an enormous amount of work involved, a lot of commitment for the parent. And you must really like your children.. but for those who do and who value learning as a thing of joy, homeschooling offers many rewards.
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