Echos

How we speak and what we say really is absorbed by our children -- if you don't like the way they talk to you or their responsiveness, take a look at how you treat them. It can come as a shock to see that many of the behaviors you dislike are ones that you yourself display...

 

And then there are those echos... Once upon a time, a little boy attended Tae Kwon Do class. As a standard part of the class, the students had to repeat the 10 'home rules' at each class. One of these, extremely popular with his parent, was rule #9 'Children shall abide by their parents' decisions.' Every time the little boy would begin to argue, his parents would say 'Number 9' and he would sighingly repeat the rule. At one of the TKD classes, the Sabunim was asking the children to repeat three children's home rules -- a step in recieving a 'stripe' towards testing for the next belt level. When this little boy was called he repeated rule number 9 -- three times. The class was in hysterics and he was, initially, clueless. He honestly had not realized what he was doing! The Sabunim smiled and allowed that he would give the repition 1.5 points since obviously the little boy knew the rule so well!

 

The real question that comes from this though is -- why should a child abide by a parent's decision? Sometimes, of course, the decision is rational -- there is a good reason, perhaps it is a matter of safety or of finances or of time. Sometimes, however, it is a knee jerk reaction: The parent is tired, or stressed and does not actually listen to the request. He or she says 'no' simply because it is one straw too many.  Here then is a moment when a parent can learn: stop and listen and think.  Is the child requesting something unreasonable or is it just that you don't want to do it? If you are too tired, too stress or otherwise feeling unable to fulfill the request, take the time to explain that to your child. (I am talking about older children, of course) Getting into the habit of having honest discussions with your children is a good one to cultivate. Explain to your children "WHY" this is something you cannot do right now. You might be surprised. Children can be very empathetic and compassionate.