Morning Prayer
~Ogden Nash
Now another day is breaking, Sleep was sweet and so is waking. Dear Lord, I promised you last night Never again to sulk or fight. Such vows are easier to keep When a child is sound asleep. Today, O Lord, for your dear sake, I'll try to keep them when awake. Ogden Nash is one of my favorite poets -- not the least for the fact that he speaks simple truths in simple ways.  This particular poem is one that I have printed and posted on the mirror of my children's  bathroom.  It is one that I keep with me to remind me of the challenges inherent in holding to one's  resolutions. Each night I make promises to myself about the coming day. Each morning I wake with the best intentions. But the truth that I have finally come to understand is that personal resolutions do not always take into account the wills and ways of other people.  I am not arguing that one shouldn't seek to better oneself. Not at all. But watching my sons struggle to  balance the drive to improve with acceptance of themselves as they are, I have come to understand that we need to remember that the fact that we can improve some elements of our lives and behavior should never imply that we, as individuals, are less than lovable, less than valuable just as we are. This distinction is important for our own individual sense of self worth but it becomes critical when we have  children. We teach by example, whether we intend to do so or not. If we do not love and accept ourselves,  flaws and all, if we do not value our own gifts and offer those gifts to others, how can we expect our children to do so?   So... what am I saying? The Greek myth of Narcissus warns us against selfish love, love that ignores others in it's self obsession but it is easy to go too far in the opposite direction... I am not saying anything new here,  I suppose. Other people have talked about draining the well dry, about giving so much that there is nothing left with which to replenish the source. What I am saying, however, is that when we do this, we teach our children that this is what SHOULD be done. We set them up to have unreasonable expectations of themselves and others. We set a dangerous precedent -- and set our children up to fail. The rain is making me gloomy I fear.